Haunted House of Cameras Death Note edition:HIATUS
by Penchant-for-raising-Cain
Summary: ON HIATUS TILL FURTHER NOTICE. SEE PROFILE FOR MORE INFO.
1. Introduction

_*the lights turn on. Studio audience claps*_

Cain and Raising-Cain: Welcome!

Raising-Cain: This is the first episode of...Haunted House of Cameras; Death Note edition!

Cain: Let's introduce the HHC judges for this series.

_*judges panel lights up*_

Cain: Soichiro Yagami!

Soichiro: I'm pleased to be here. Although, I can't condone locking my son up inside a haunted house.

Raising-Cain: Yeah...who really gives a damn?

Cain: Misa Amane!

Misa: LIGHT! You know I'll be rooting for you until the end!

Raising-Cain: You know that Light can't hear you.

Cain: Touta Matsuda!

Matsuda: I've always wanted to do this. Hi Mom!

Raising-Cain: o.o

Cain: Last, but definitely not least...Ryuk the Shinigami!

Ryuk: Hyuk, hyuk, it's good to be here.

Raising-Cain: You're just here for the free entertainment, aren't you?

Ryuk: Yeah, sounds about right. Oh and the apples.

Cain: ...Right. Anyway, Raising-Cain, why don't you tell the audience how we ever got the guys' permission?

Raising-Cain: Certainly. It wasn't too hard.

_*rolls film*_

_Necromancers: We pray to the almighty death god to revive these bodies named L, Mello, Near, Matt, BB and Light Yagami._

Raising-Cain: I just realized something. All the contestants are actually dead.

Cain: O.o

_*pauses film*_

Raising-Cain: That's how we got 'permission' from them. The judges were handpicked by us.

Cain: Now, I think it's time to show you our contestants!

_*Raising-Cain switches to live video feed*_

Misa: TT^TT Why is Light in a box?

Raising-Cain: _*rolls eyes*_ each contestant has been blindfolded, ear-muffed and drugged with sleeping pills.

Cain: And maybe a little weed.

Raising-Cain: WHAT? You put cannabis in the drug?

Cain: It makes it more interesting.

Raising-Cain: Where did you get it from?

Cain: I'll never tell. Moving on; they are all inside a soundproof room right now. When our technician goes to take off the blindfolds and stuff, the door will open, and the contestants will be awake.

Raising-Cain: But before that, let's explain the rules.

_*brandishes huge scroll*_

Raising-Cain. No.1 – eggs. No. 2 – Death Note manga series. No. 3 – chocolate. Oh wait...this is my shopping list.

_*takes out small list*_

Raising-Cain: Reviewers, it is your job to fuel us with dares. There are many secret floors inside the mansion, and we are loaded with cash. You can dare anything. The judges will award them with points on how well they do on the dare. When a contestant reaches 40 points, they are free to go!

Misa: Yay! Misa will make sure Light wins!

Cain: And we'll make sure he doesn't! Now, here are some t's and c's; please, no yaoi. It will make us sick to write it. Respect personal beliefs, please. Oh, and try to keep it clean, kinda. Having said that, you can call Light 'imagay' can much as you want! In fact, go nuts!

Misa and Soichiro: Hey!

Cain: ^^. The technician has taken off the blindfolds.

Raising-Cain: Wait! L's waking up!

Cain: O.O already? But I gave him extra!

Raising-Cain: ¬.¬

***in the room***

L: LIGHT IS KIRA! CANDY! WHERE AM I?_ *looks around* _I swear all these people are dead. _*pokes himself* _I'm alive! Well, that is strange...

_*Light stirs*_

Cain: Imaga-_*Misa and Soichiro give evil stare*_-I mean Light Yagami's awake! _*whispering*_ Imagay...

Light: What the h***? I swear Ryuk said that we go into nothingness? Ha, I outsmarted the Shinigami!

L: No, Light. You are alive.

Light: What? Don't be ridiculous. I think the sugar's getting to you.

L: Nonsense. If the sugar had got to me, I would be dead by now.

Light: But you are. I mean were. _*thinking* I made sure you were. Damn Shinigami Rem..._

L: Shut up.

Light: Ooh, touchy.

_*Mello wakes with a starts, and fires gun*_

_*Light dodges*_

Raising-Cain and judges (except Ryuk): _*gasp*_

Raising-Cain: Cain, I thought you disarmed Mello?

Cain: Oops. _*evil grin*_

Mello: What the h***?

L: We are all inside some building. Let's get out of here.

Mello: Whatever. MATT!

_*pulls back goggles, and they twang onto his face*_

Matt: S***! What was that for?

Raising-Cain: Thank God for the censor button.

Cain: Yep. I have a feeling we're gonna use it on Mello and Matt a lot.

_*Light sees BB sleeping*_

Light: L, why is there two of you?

L: That's BB. The creepy version of me.

Mello: Wow, he must be really creepy. _*pokes BB with the gun*_

_*BB wakes, and gives an evil glare*_

BB: Well, f*** me. I'm alive.

Raising-Cain: _*face palm*_ good button pressing, Cain.

Mello: Well, the only person left to wake up is Near.

Cain: Aww, doesn't Near look cute when he's asleep?

Raising-Cain: ¬.¬ he always looks cute, so shut up!

BB: I'll wake him. _*pokes Near softly with a knife*_

Raising-Cain: You didn't disarm BB, either. HE'S A PYSCHO, AND YOU LET HIM HAVE THE KNIFE?

Cain: Hey, no need to make it boring for the viewers!

Raising-Cain: Oh sure.

_*Near doesn't wake*_

L: This is how you wake Near up. _*cups hands to his mouth, and yells_* NEAR! THE NEW i-Robot XJG-67-DNKU-789 IS OUT!

_*Near grabs for the air*_

Near: Where? Oh...you tricked me. _*twirls hair with finger*_ that wasn't nice.

Entire studio: AWWW!

Ryuk: Oh, get over it!

*puts live feed on mute*

Cain: So, judges; what are your impressions so far?

Soichiro: Right now, the most level-headed are Near and L. Though, things may change.

Raising-Cain: You got that right. Misa?

Misa: Light will win! Light will win!

Cain: You are so biased. You better change that attitude. Matsuda, what are your thoughts?

Matsuda: There's gonna be drama! I can see that Mello, BB and Matt all woke up on the wrong side of the grave! _*rimshot*_

Audience: Boo!

Matsuda: o/o

Raising-Cain: Go on, Ryuk. What are your observations on these humans?

Ryuk:_ *munches apple* _some funny stuff. This is gonna be good. Well, as long as people send in good dares!

Cain: Well, then, we are at the end of our first episode! Don't forget to tune in next time to Haunted House of Cameras: Death Note edition!

Raising-Cain: Good night! And happy review - BB! Oh great, he skewered Light.

Cain: _*sighs* *uses author powers to revive Light*_

This episode has been brought to you by: Cosme-Misa

Misa: Misa-Misa uses it every day! And look at Misa's lips! Misa-licious for only $4.99!

_*Raising-Cain tackles Misa*_

Raising-Cain: And that's for free! MWHAHAHAHAHA! HA!

Cain: _*face palm*_


	2. Eyeballs, Ghost, and Meeps

**Cain: I completely forgot to do any author's note last chapter. Forgive me fans...**

**Raising-Cain: Shut up, Cain.**

**Cain: Fine. L, can you do our disclaimer?**

**L: Who are you?**

**Cain: Your worst nightmare. Now say it, panda man!**

**L: Penchant-for-raising-Cain, which happens to be two girls, do not own Death Note, the eyeballs or the ghost.**

**Cain: No, we own the ghost.**

**L: Please leave me alone.**

**Raising-Cain: NEVER!**

_*the lights turn on. Studio audience claps*_

Cain: Before we start the show, I and Raising-Cain realized something. Contrary to what we had said last show, Near was not dead so we didn't bring him back to life. Thanks to Miss Bright for pointing that out.

Raising-Cain: Anyway, this is the second episode of HHC: Death Note edition! ^^ Thank you to all reviewers that responded!

Cain: The judges are now in. And no, we won't introduce them again.

Raising-Cain: Let's take a look at our contestants.

_*switches live feed on*_

_*Group wandering through a dark corridor*_

**In the house**

Light: L, walk away from me, this is my personal bubble.

L: I am not near you. That's BB.

Light: Dammit BB! Get away from me! _*pushes BB*_

BB: _*snaps fingers in attitude style*_ Oh no you di-int!

_*L face palms*_

Cain: Well...they're doing better than I thought they would. Where's Near anyway? And Mello and Matt for that matter?

Raising-Cain: Bickering up ahead. Let's switch cameras.

**In the house**

Mello: I could think of 30 different places I'd rather be than here.

Near: I can think of 40.

Mello: F*** you, Near, do you have to beat me at everything?

Matt: Chill Mello! At least he's using his awesome albino head to bust us out! This place reminds me of Luigi's castle _*shudders*_ Creepy.

Mello: Will there be...ghosts?

Cain and Raising-Cain: O.O Mello's afraid of ghosts?

Soichiro: Well, all humans are afraid of something.

Cain and Raising-Cain: O.o Mello's HUMAN?

Ryuk:_ *sarcastically*_ No, he's a Shinigami. Of course he's human.

Misa and Matsuda: -_-

Cain: Alright, that's about as much pleasure time we can give them. Raising-Cain, FIRST REVIEW!

Raising-Cain: Thank you for being our first reviewer, Miss Bright! Cain is a bit dumb, so thanks for pointing out the mistake! Here it is:

_**Miss Bright**_

**I have a dare! Make them eat really disgusting/creepy dishes/food, like eyeballs and spiders. MWAHAHA! :D**

**This is really creative and hilarious so far!**

**However I'd just like to point one line out:**

**"Raising-Cain (a/n-sorry, we were supposed to censor our names): I just realized something. All the contestants are actually dead."**

**Near hasn't died yet...or did you kill him off for your show? o.o**

Cain: Wow, I love it! We'll put all of them in different rooms, and give them a meal they won't forget. Oh technician!

_*Technician runs in, epic superhero music playing*_

Raising-Cain: Maketh this happen, knave!

_A few fun-filled Amazon adventures later..._

**In the house**

_*stomachs growl*_

Mello: I'm hungry. I've finished all my chocolate.

L: Me too.

BB: *sigh* Jam...wherefore art thou, jam?

*everyone stares at BB*

Light: O.o Yeah, he needs food.

_*distant crashing sound*_

_*Everyone stops on the ultraviolet X's marked*_

Near: Did you hear that?

Mello and BB: Ghosts?

_*trapdoors release*_

Cain: Now it get's interesting! Let's start with Imagay. Uh-oh, Misa's making that wild animal growl again...*_grabs chair and fends off Misa*_ No, Misa! Bad Misa! I now I called Light 'Imagay', but he deserves it! Back, Kira-worshipper!

Light

*Light falls onto a chair, screaming like a girl*

Light: What the f*** just happened? Am I in hell?

_*spots food bowl, marked 'Halloween Candy'*_

Light: This will have to do for food, although it makes me feel like L...

Raising-Cain: What Light doesn't know is that those 'candy' spiders and eyeballs are REAL spiders and eyeballs. No spiders and eyeballs were harmed during the making of this episode. But Light will be harmed_...*evil Kira laugh*_

_*Light grabs some 'sweets' and chews*_

Light: Hmmm...different. The eyeballs are bursting with flavour, though I'm not sure what. Reminds me of iron. Oh, and the spiders are so crunchy. Delicious! It's almost like they're real.

_*stops mid-chew*_

Cain: Man, he was close!

_*Light spits out the stuff and dances around the room*_

Light: GROSS! GROSS! GROSS! GROSS!

_*Canned studio laughter*_

L

L: Ouch. That was uncomfortable. _* bites thumb*_

_*spots candy bowl*_

L: Candy? CANDY!

_*grabs a handful and shoves it in his mouth*_

_*swallows thoughtfully*_

L: This brand was cheap. They didn't add enough sugar.

Entire studio: O.O

Ryuk: Whoa, even I feel queasy!

Mello

_*doesn't land on the chair*_

Mello: Umph, s***. Who's brainiac idea was it to put a trapdoor there?

_*sees the food*_

Mello: Well, well, well. I hit the jackpot before Near. In your freakishly pale face, Near!

_*eats it, and immediately vomits*_

Raising-Cain: Ick.

Misa: Ewwww, that's horrible!

Matt

Cain: We modified the 'sweets' to look like edible games. You know, to appeal to Matt's obsession.

Matt: Video games?

_*sees the sign*_

Matt: Edible video games? Wow, someone knows how to appeal to my obsession.

Raising-Cain: o.o How did he know?

_*swallows in one go*_

Matt: ...so that's what a video game tastes like. Meh, too squishy and iron like.

Audience: Blech!

Near

_*falls into the room*_

Near: _*sees 'sweets'*_ Sweets? No thank you, that is L and Mello food. Possibly BB's too.

_*examines them*_

Near: _*with distaste*_ These look real. _*stomach growls*_ Well, it's better than nothing.

_*eats, and spits out*_

Near: S***! WHAT THE H***? THEY WERE REAL! :(

Entire studio: _*crickets chirping*_

Matsuda: ...Near...cursed...? Wow. O.O

Raising-Cain: Well, expect the unexpected, that's what I say! Who's with me?

_*crickets still chirping*_

Cain: STFU crickets! _*crickets stop*_ I'm with you. And last but not least, BB! After him, we'll take the judges scores.

BB

BB: First, I'm stuck in a house. Second, I'm stuck in a house with three annoying brats, my killer and my rival. Third, I'm hungry enough to eat ANYTHING! Where in God's name is my JAM?

_*sees bowl*_

BB: Ha, I pray and I'm answered. I bet it sucks to be the others right now!

_*eats entire bowl*_

BB:_ *wipes eyeball blood off his face*_ Hmmm, good. Not as good as jam, but good.

Soichiro: It looks like L and BB aren't that different after all. They'll eat anything labelled 'Candy' without question!

Raising-Cain: And that is the beauty of the show. They can't question!

Cain: Now, scores! The maximum points that can be given are out of five each.

_*Misa grumbles about Light discrimination*_

Light Y.

Soichiro: He was half-way there, so – 2.5

Misa: Misa's Light wimped out in the end - 2

Matsuda: Hey, he did okay - 3

Ryuk: Couldn't care less – 1.5

L

Soichiro: I don't think anyone has eaten eyeballs like that, save BB – 4

Misa: Wierdo – 3

Matsuda: That was fantastic *claps* - 4.5

Ryuk: He ate them the way I eat apples *crunches apple* - 4.5

Mello

Soichiro: Poor – 1

Misa: Disgusting – 0.5

Matsuda: Give him some credit – 2

Ryuk: He is interesting... - 3

Matt

Soichiro: O.o – 3.5

Misa: If this was about style, then 0! What is up with those goggles and gloves? But, right now – 3

Cain: Please, his style beats yours any day!

Matsuda: Strange child – 3.5

Ryuk: Hyuk, hyuk, this guy's funny – 3.5

Near

Soichiro: No effort, and this is me pardoning his language – 2

Misa: _*tear*_ Near's an angel – 3.5

Matsuda: Don't be biased! He didn't complete the task! – 1.5

Ryuk: No comment... – 1.5

BB

Soichiro: Meep - 4

Misa: Meep - 4

Matsuda – Meeeeeep – 4.5

Ryuk: Prissy judges– 4.5

Cain: And there we have it! Scores will be added at the end of the show. Now, we got a dare from school. What is it?

**You know they're in a haunted house right? Well Mello is scared of ghosts, so he has to go find a ghost and make friends with it and then take it as a friend to meet the others, I want to see what will happen. - Anon**

Raising-Cain: Ghosts, huh? Well, we can make that happen_...*evil grin at Cain*_

Meanwhile, in the house

Mello: That was...horrible. I ate an eyeball.

L and BB: It's candy.

Light: No, it wasn't. Wait a minute, you weren't there with me. What's going on?

Matt: This place is haunted, I know it. Trapdoors and eyeballs don't just happen to be in a house!

Near: Let's think clearly. There are no such things as ghosts. Just ask Mello.

Mello:_ *clutches crucifix*..._No such thing as ghosts...no such thing as ghosts...

_*Loud knock comes from inside a room*_

L: Mello, go check it out.

Mello: W-why me?

Light: Because you're the one with a gun, dumb-a***!

_*Mello opens door, which closes immediately*_

Mello: Meep! O.O

Ghost: Eeeeee...I'm a ghost...I have come to befriend the one called Mello...

Mello: You...want to be friends with me?

Ghost: Yesssss...

Soichiro: Where is Cain? She would love this.

Raising-Cain: Oh don't worry. Cain has her own way of participating.

**_Flashback_**

**_Raising-Cain: *holds baseball bat* You'll do it!_**

**_Cain: Never! *brandishes her own baseball bat*_**

**_Raising-Cain: Do your worst!_**

**_Cain: MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!_**

**_Raising-Cain: That was good enough to be a Kira laugh. Now, back, presenter, back!_**

**_Cain: You'll never get me to be the ghost!_**

**_Raising-Cain: _**_*brings out bag of books and a flamethrower*_**_ I'll destroy all your prized books._**

**_Cain: Fine. :'(_**

**_End flashback_**

Soichiro: O-kay. ¬¬

Cain: _*thinking* There's a baseball bat beating with your name on it, Raising-Cain..._

Mello: You're not gonna drive me insane, right?

Cain: No...I wish to be your friend...

Mello:_ *shaking*_ Okay. _*thinking* Meep..._

_*takes ghost/Cain to the group outside*_

Mello: _*monotone*_ here is a ghost. He is my friend.

Cain: _*normal voice* He?_

The gang: O.O

Cain: _*coughs*_ I mean...he...I am a girl ghost...

Mello: Oh – okay. Guys, ghost. Ghost, guys.

Near: What shall we name her?

Matt: Shy guy. _*ghost/Cain glares at him*_ I mean, shy girl.

L: Pleased to meet you.

_*notices Light and BB remain silent*_

L: BB, Light, say hello to the ghost.

BB: It's really a g-ghost?

Light: Oh don't tell me. The super master serial killer is afraid of ghosts? _*laughs*_

BB: NO!

Light: Aww, you afraid all the people you killed will come back to haunt you? _*laughs harder*_

L: Well you don't look so excited yourself Light.

Light and BB: I'M NOT AFRAID OF GHOSTS!

L: No need to yell in unison.

Raising-Cain: Okay, that's enough of the ghost. The last thing we need is someone to pull the sheet and see Cain underneath.

_*uses author powers to make Cain vanish*_

Near: Why did she leave?

Matt: Maybe she needs to haunt someone.

Mello: Maybe she saw your face, and left.

Matt: HEY! I happen to have a beautiful face.

Mello: You were only in the episode for two minutes.

Matt: And yet the girls go crazy over me. Am I awesome, or what?

_*Cain appears in the studio*_

Cain: That was horrible. I was suffocating in that sheet. The next time I get to see the cast, can I look human?

Raising-Cain: You know the rules; these guys can't find out about the show. That means we can't meet them.

Cain: T.T

Raising-Cain: SCORES FOR MELLO!

Soichiro: He handled it better than I thought – 3

Misa: Wimp – 2

Matsuda: Well, you have to admit; Cain is scary, so – 4

Cain: Thank you very much *devil grin*

Ryuk: I think he could have been tougher – 2.5

Cain: When only one person is dared, we use an average of the scores.

_*Cain mutes lives feed*_

Raising-Cain: We are now reaching the end of our second show. Here are the scores so far!:

Light – 9

L – 16

BB – 14

Mello – (2.9 was the average) 9.4

Matt – 13.5

Near –8.5

Cain: We have L in the lead, and Near at the bottom!

Misa: Light should be winning! Misa's gonna give him 5's from now on.

Raising-Cain: _*holds up baseball bat*_ Oh no, you won't.

Cain: ...Well then, tune in next time, and happy reviewing! Good night!

**Cain: Sorry to any reviewers who weren't mentioned in this chapter; your dares will be in**** the next one. R+R, please.**

**Near: Stop sounding so desperate.**

**Raising-Cain: Well, you could say that we're 'Near' desperation *giggle***

**Near: ...Not funny.**

**best wishes, Penchant-for-raising-Cain**


	3. Chocolate, YuGiOh! and 'Child'

**Raising-Cain: Hey everyone! Thanks for the reviews!**

**Cain: *croaking* My voice...is gone...**

**Raising-Cain: Oh yeah right Cain. I saw you stuff that frog down your throat!**

**Cain: Near...do the disclaimer...before I die!**

**Near: Why am I being followed by two random people? I thought more people liked me than that!**

**Raising-Cain + Cain: We like you! (hug)**

**Near: Get off me.**

**Raising-Cain and Cain: No.**

**Near: Raising-Cain and Cain do not own Death Note, the chocolate or LittleKuriboh's Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series. Do you have toys?**

* * *

_*lights go on, then fuse*_

Raising-Cain: What the_-*crashes into the camera*_ Damnit...technician, fix it!

_*Lights come on, and audience claps*_

Raising-Cain: Welcome to the third episode of HHC. The judges are ready to judge, but are our contestants ready to contest? Thanks to all reviewers-

_*cellphone rings, playing L's theme*_

Raising-Cain: Sorry, that's me _*checks caller ID* _Huh, it's Cain. She better gave a good reason why she's not in.

_*Phone squibbles*_

(A/N: 'Squibbles' is not a real word, it's the best word that describes incoherent phone conversations. Don't use it in exams, kids!)

Raising-Cain: What do you mean, you're ill? Who'll replace you?

_*Phone squibbles*_

Raising-Cain: Damn straight it's my problem!

_*Line goes dead*_

Raising-Cain: She...did not...just...hang up! Urgh!

_*phone rings again*_

Raising-Cain: IF YOU EVER HANG UP ON ME LIKE THAT AGAIN, I'M GONNA BASH YOUR BRAINS OUT! _*crying from the phone*_ Oh, no little girl! Don't cry. You have the wrong number, sorry.

_*turns off phone*_

Soichiro: May I ask what happened?

Raising-Cain: _*sigh*_ Cain's ill and can't present. Where are gonna find a replacement in time?

Random Package Dude: Package for Miss. Raising-Cain!

Raising-Cain: Hmm, it's from Cain. Labelled "Here is your replacement."

_*Teru Mikami jumps out of the box*_

Raising-Cain: O.O OH MY GOD!

Mikami: You mean 'Oh my Kira'.

Raising-Cain: ¬.¬

Mikami: Cain gave me instructions about this show. She said that God will forgive me if I do this.

Misa: Misa's bored! I wanna see what Light's doing!

Mikami: God?

Ryuk: Yeah, let's see them.

**In the house**

BB and Light: Rock, paper, scissors shoot!

Light: _*grins*_ Ha, I beat you again! Scissors beat paper!

BB: If you win again, I will –

Near: Play nicely.

BB and Light: Rock, paper, scissors shoot!

_*Light does rock* *BB pulls out his knife*_

BB: _*evilly*_ Knife beats rock. It also beats the crap out of you, Yagami.

Light: Oh, shi- _*blood splatters*_

Near: I SAID PLAY NICELY!

Matt: Screw it, Near. They won't listen to an albino child.

Near: I'M NOT ALBINO!

Mello: Is it someone's time of month?

_*Nears gives Mello a death glare*_

L: I suspect Near is irritated by the lack of toys in this building.

Raising-Cain: _*uses author powers to revive Light*_ I wish I could give toys. But it's the reviewers' will.

Mikami: Let's ask them!

Raising-Cain: Wow, you actually have a good idea. So reviewers; should we get Near some toys? Or make him suffer?

Ryuk: _*using hypnotist voice* _make him suffer...make him suffer...

Raising-Cain: STFU Ryuk! Some people do like Near, y'know?

Ryuk: Really? O.o

Raising-Cain: Well, I do.

Mikami: First revie- _*bashed by a baseball bat*_

Raising-Cain: THAT'S MY LINE, YOU RETARD! First review! :)

**Nyce nyce bay-bay.**

I think that Mello and L must go against each other to get a bar of chocolate. Yeah, just take all sources of sugar away from them both!

Loving teh showw. -wiggles elbows-

-NP the Bunny/Ninja/Pirate

Raising-Cain: Evil, I like it! Mikami, notify the technician!

_*Mikami mumbles about Kira-worshipper abuse*_

_A few minutes later..._

**At the house**

Mello: I'm so damned hungry! Does no one understand my chocolate needs?

L: Don't complain, child. You don't see me complain about the severe lack of sweets _*starts to salivate*_ gorgeous sweets...my precious, precious sweets...angel cake, shortcake, chocolate-

Mello: Don't you say a word about chocolate! And don't call me child!

L: Okay, child.

Mello: GTFO L!

Matt: Well, that wasn't nice.

Mello: I'm not a nice guy, GET. OVER. IT.

Near: _*whispering*_ time of month...

_*Mello punches Near in the face*_

Studio: _*le gasp*_

Raising-Cain: O.O ...Well, before we see anymore Mello violence, let's pull those trapdoors!

_*trapdoors are opened*_

Mello: S**************T, NOT AGAIN! _*echoes*_

_*both landed with a thump*_

L: I can never look at a trapdoor the same way. They have officially scarred me for life.

_*both see a bar of chocolate on a stool* _

Mikami: Cue heavenly music!

Choir: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Mello: My...

L: Precious..

_*glare at each other*_

L: _*battle cry*_ For justice!

Mello: _*battle cry*_ For my stomach!

Raising-Cain: Oh God... (_Mikami: Kira!)..._time to censor!

_**VIOLENCE VIOLENCE VIOLENCE VIOLENCE**_

Matsuda and Ryuk: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

Raising-Cain: This is why I told Cain to disarm Mello. _*uses author powers to heal L's gunshot wounds*_

Mello: VICTORY!

L: Damn you, child!

Mello: Shut up, panda man! I whupped your a**, and you can't admit defeat! Loser!

Raising-Cain: Mello is p***ing me off. Scores, please.

L

Soichiro: Made a heroic effort – 3.5

Misa: T_T L was shot – 3

Mikami: Oh, now you care.

Matsuda: Mello is scary, so – 4

Ryuk: Come on, he didn't get it – 2.5

(The average is 3.3)

Mello

Soichiro: That is one disturbed child, but – 4

Misa: He scares me – 3

Matsuda: His obsession over chocolate is like my dad's obsession over socks! – 4

Ryuk: Good show – 4.5

(The average is 3.9)

Raising-Cain: Matsuda...socks?

Matsuda: No one ever asked about my life during the series.

Audience: Awww!

Raising-Cain: Right o.o Next review!

**PoisonXLilly**

**I love it!**

Keep up the good work!

I have a dare~!

They all must watch and comment on episodes of Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series by LittleKuriboh (or CardGamesFTW)

Raising-Cain: Well, Cain actually decided to watch the LittleKuriboh abridged series, and she loved it! We'll use that version.

_After the set-up..._

**In the house**

L: I hate you, child.

Mello: I hate you, panda man.

L: Bottle blonde!

Mello: Thumb sucker!

Near:_ *twirls lock of hair*_ Well, this is annoying.

Light: You should try hanging out with BB. It's even more annoying.

BB: What did you say, Imagay?

Raising-Cain: ^^Yay! BB knows the Imagay thing too! ^^

Audience: _*le groan*_

Light: _*sigh*_ I'm sorry, My Royal Jam-ness. May I kiss your feet?

Matt: ?

BB: This is what happens if you lose rock paper scissors against me.

Matt: _Mental note_: NEVER lose to BB.

BB: _*evil grin*_ easier said than done, my goggles man.

Mikami and Raising-Cain: TRAPDOOR!

_*everyone yells in pain*_

Mikami: TT_TT Why did I agree to this? God is hurt.

Raising-Cain: You will be too if you don't stop calling Imagay God.

Matsuda: Imagay God _*giggles* _I'm a gay God, so funny...

_*crickets chirp*_

Ryuk: You do realize that I'm a God, don't you?

Matsuda: A gay God?

Raising-Cain: _*spots vodka*_ alright, who gave Matsuda alcohol?

Misa: *raises hand* O/O

Mikami: Stop that! Stop being mean to God! _*takes out a sexy photo of Light* _They don't mean it. I love you for what you did.

Raising-Cain: _*bonks him with a frying pan*_ NO YAOI, HALF-WIT!

Soichiro: ...Let's get back to the show. They have all just watched Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series. Let's see what they thought.

**Coming out of the TV room**

Light: My eyes are burning from the cheesiness of it all! That is the crappiest abridged series ever! I'm sticking with 1Kidsentertainment's Death Note: The Abridged Series. That way, I can see myself.

L: Don't be so mean. It was nice, albeit crass. Yugi is a great friend. Most of the time.

Matt: I prefer video games to card games. WTF are adults doing playing a children's card game?

Mello: 'My voice gives me super strength!' _*LOLs*_ That was brilliant.

Near: _*trembling*_ So much vulgarity. _*stops being prissy*_ But quite entertaining. It was fun to watch the 'My hair is your father' man.

BB: Not enough blood. If they were alive, I might kill them. But Bakura was cool.

All: Who?

Raising-Cain: _*face palms*_ Scores, please. And make it fast; at least with Cain here, she could beat Mikami up for me. I'm tired.

_*Mikami sits in the corner, wearing a dunce hat*_

Mikami: _*sob*_ I failed you, God. Again. Why am I a retard?

Raising-Cain: Some men were born retards, and some had retard-ness thrust upon them. _*dramatic music*_

Soichiro: Ahem, scores?

Raising-Cain: O/O Right. Continue.

Light

Soichiro: He was not nice – 3

Misa: You tell them Light! – 3.5

Matsuda: Egotistic b****** - 1

Ryuk: He hasn't changed a bit. Still doesn't give a s*** about anyone else – 0.5

L

Soichiro: His comment gave the series justice – 4

Misa: He understood Yugi so well – 4

Matsuda: Yeah, awesome comment – 4

Ryuk: _*munches on apple* _Good... – 4

Raising-Cain: Are you talking about the comment or the apple?

Ryuk: _*nom nom nom*_ Both.

Matt

Soichiro: Kind of a negative response – 3

Misa: But he speaks the truth – 3.5

Matsuda_: *sad face*_ I play children's card games – 3

Ryuk: Fair enough – 3.5

Mello

Soichiro: Surprisingly nice – 4.5

Misa: Misa loved it! – 4.5

Matsuda: He still creeps me out, but – 4

Ryuk: I think I like this guy. He's so bipolar – 4.5

Near

Soichiro: It's a 50/50 comment – 2.5

Misa: Can't he make up his mind? – 3

Matsuda: I understand where he's coming from – 3.5

Ryuk: Albino child! – 3

BB

Soichiro: For God's sake, someone restrain him – 2

Misa: His favourite character was Bakura? _(Audience: Who?)_ – 2

Matsuda: o.O – 1.5

Ryuk: He's my favourite, next to Mello- 3.5_ *fangirl moment*_

Raising-Cain: Are you alright, Ryuk?

Ryuk: Never better!

Raising-Cain: _*sweat drop*..._Right. _*mutes live feed* _Let's take a look at the final scores!

Light – 17

L – 35.3

BB – 23

Mello – 26.9

Matt – 26.5

Near – 20.5

Raising-Cain: Wow! L has an amazing lead! But still in last place is Near. If you want Near to catch the others up, give him more dares! Individual dares do boost scores!

Mikami: So, thank you for watchi-_*slams him into the delivery box and closes the lid *_

Raising-Cain: STOP. SAYING. MY. LINES! As I was supposed to say, tune in next time, and –

_*phone rings in the distance*_

Random technician: Call for you.

Raising-Cain: Who said you can speak while we're on air?

_*snatches phone*_

Raising-Cain: Hello? Cain! Why did you send the most annoying replacement ever? You might as well have sent Demegawa! Oh, you have something to say? Hold on, let me put the phone near the mic...

Cain: _*warbled*_ Give a huge hand to Raising-Cain, who single-handedly saved the show from falling into anarchy, led by Mikami. I watched the show, and the reviews were fantastic! Thanks so much, and I will be here next episode. Good night!

* * *

**Mikami: GOD! SAVE ME! *Raising-Cain whacks him with baseball bat***

**Cain: Hit him! Hit him! Hit him! Don't forget to R+R, people! ^^**

**Raising-Cain: WHAT! YOU CAME BACK NOW? *Runs after Cain with baseball bat***

**Cain: *somewhere off in the distance* Thanks guys! Bye! OW!**


	4. Who's Game Show Is This, Anyways?

**Cain: Hey, we're back! It's been a while!**

**Raising-Cain: It's been absolutely impossible to get this chapter up sooner than today.**

**Mikami: Hey God, I'm in a fanfiction!**

**Cain: Good for you! That means we can bend your free will!**

**Raising-Cain: Do the disclaimer! :)**

**Mikami: Cain and Raising-Cain do not own Death Note, Burgundy wine or Saw. Can I see God?**

* * *

_*Brand new kick-ass lighting system starts, and applause*_

Cain and Raising-Cain: Hello, and welcome to the fourth episode of HHC: Death Note edition!

Cain: You may be wondering why we haven't aired in two months. Well, here is the reason – it all started when I visited the dentist. He was all out of toothpaste...

_*5 hours later*_

Cain: ...When suddenly, the flesh-eating killer plant lunged! Thank God the werewolf blocked the attack...

Raising-Cain: Uhh, Cain?

_*another 5 hours later*_

Cain: ...and after that, we finally reached Mount Fuji. And the dentist got his toothpaste.

Everyone: O.O

Raising-Cain: What did you have before the show?

Cain: I don't know. But Mikami told me it was supposed to taste bitter, and that it would make me very very happy. Why are there fishies floating on Misa's head?

Misa: Argh! Fish! Get 'em off, get 'em off!

Raising-Cain: Umm, what actually happened was that Cain's computer was attacked by a Death Note hating Spyware, which caused it to die. All her hard work is gone, and she has only now sorted it out.

Cain: Even my iTunes vanished! First the PC, now my own Netbook! T.T

Soichiro: Can we save the technology angst for later? Let's get on with the show!

**In the house**

Matt: So...does anyone play Final Fantasy XIII?

BB: That's the 463rd video game you've asked about. No one else plays f***ing video games!

Matt: Oh, okay.

_*awkward silence*_

Matt: Does anyone play Runescape?

_*BB draws knife*_

Matt: _*panicked*_ That was an Internet game!

BB: I know. I f***ing HATE Runescape. I got addicted to it, and didn't murder anyone for months.

L: So that's why there was such a gap.

Light: Can someone tell me what Mello and Near are doing?

_*Mello and Near dancing 'Caramelldansen'*_

L: _*records video on cellphone_* This will DEFINITELY go on Youtube. Imagine the hits from fangirls!

BB: We'll be rich!

_*L and BB high-five*_

Light: Yo, Einsteins! Youtube is a non-profit website.

Matt: Aww! I was gonna spend your money on Zelda games!

**Studio**

Cain: Dares! Dares! Dares!

Raising-Cain: Okay, stop jumping up and down, you idiot rabbit. God, I sound like Kanda from -man. First dare! By the way, Light is actually at the bottom of the score board, not Near. Cain can't do Math:

_**NP**_

**Zomg you took my dare 33 Ily guyz.** (yes, it was, apart from the der- it's ein, I think…)

Ich Habe der DARE for Near. I dunno why I spoke German. Was that even right?

Okay so here!

Near is in a dark cold room...the blood chilling in his veins...he is scared and alone. When he sees three lights...angels, even.

There is three robot toys, so yeah. Two of them have fire in them, when touched, they will explode. If Near picks the right one, he lives, if not...the opposite of live.

Love the show as always! Sorry for long review!

If you want guest stars I have too much time on my hands ;) I kid.

-NP

Raising-Cain: Wow, this is a really original dare! I love it! The technicians were organized, and have already made the toys. If it's okay with you, if Near picks the right toy, we're gonna let him keep it. And you can guest star next chapter! ^^

**In the House**

Near: I am tired from dancing. I have not done that much physical exercise since pushing my way through a line of 1784.7 people to get to the latest toy.

Mello: Near? .7?

Near: You had to be there.

_*trapdoor release*_

Near: Oh dear God, not again. If I have to watch anything, or eat anything, I am NOT gonna be happy.

_*see the dark, damp room*_

Near: I don't like this. It is scaring me. _*shivers*_

Ryuk: Awwww!

Matsuda: Wait, Ryuk – last time the audience said 'Aww!', you told them to 'get over it!'!

Ryuk: ...Don't judge me.

_*lights (angels!) come on*_

Near: TOYS!

_*sees the sign that reads "Be warned, if you choose the wrong toy, it will blow you up. If you chose the right one, keep it. Be careful."*_

Near: Hmmm, three identical toys *sits down* and two will spontaneously combust *twirls hair*

_*thinks for a while*_

Near: Really, this is problematic for me. I am too attracted to toys, so I cannot find the slightest distinction between these perfect works of art. I am 97.846% sure of that conclusion. That means, there is only one way to do this...

_*points at the toys*_

Near: Eenie, meenie, minei...mo!

_*grabs the right toy, and finds the exit*_

Raising-Cain: Did he use...eenie, meenie?

Cain: What happened to intellectuality?

Misa: The doctor said mine flew away with unicorns!

Everyone: We know -_-

Raising-Cain: Err, okay. Judges, do you have scores?

Near

Soichiro: Not exactly the smartest idea – 3.5

Misa: He the smartest! He the smartest! ^^ - 5

Matsuda: Okay, I could have done that – 4.5

Ryuk: No, you couldn't have – 5

(average: 4.5)

Cain: Matsuda, why do you think you could have picked the right one?

Matsuda: You don't know my specialised training.

Everyone: …

Raising-Cain: Let's move on:

**xL-iz-After-BeyondBirthdayx****  
You guys should have Light and BB fall in a trapdoor together and fall into a VERY white room with a only one bed inside and wine included! :D**

And have them become besties in a ...ROMANTIC kind of way ^^

Sorry, I'm a fangirl, :3

Cain: Umm, Liz, if that is your name? Did you not read the summary or watch the first episode? We kinda said no fangirl junk. Oh well, we might as well do this one. Modified.

Technician: How are we modifying?

Raising-Cain: _*waves baseball bat_* Why are you talking?

Technician: _*whimpers*_ Gomen nasai.

Raising-Cain: Oh, you're gonna be sorry, Takeshi-san.

Cain: WHY DID YOU SAY HIS NAME?

**In the house**

_*trapdoor release*_

_*BB and Light fall*_

Raising-Cain: I'm pretty sure you pressed that button early.

Cain: I was bored. Dialogue gets tiring, okay?

BB: It's so white in here, it's blinding.

Light: Is that…wine?

BB: Burgundy! I love this stuff!

Light: I didn't know you drank.

BB: There a lot side to my life no one knows. Did you know I brutally murder people?

Light: Everyone knows that.

Everyone: Damn straight we do!

Cain: Okay, seriously, can you guys stop talking at the same time, it's annoying.

BB: Light, pour me some.

Light: I might as well know what all the fuss about Burgundy too.

_*both drink*_

_*5 minutes later*_

Light: I…love you…man. From one killer to _(hic!)_ another.

BB: You have a VERY low tolerance.

Light: _*giggles*_ Yep! I _(hic!)_ love this s***!

BB: No more for you. _*snatches bottle*_

Light: If I seduce you, will you give it back.

BB: O.O What…did you say?

Light: I'm pretty good at it. Ask Misa or Takada.

_*BB turns around*_

_*Light holds his arms out*_

_*BB plunges his knife into Light*_

Light: Not…what I…meant…

BB: Are you sure? Cuz I did the same thing to everyone else who said that.

Cain: And modification is complete. _*uses author powers to bring Light back to life*_

Raising-Cain: Sorry Liz, but to write yaoi romance really does make us sick. We had to swerve around that part. Scores!

BB

Soichiro: That was totally barbaric to Light! – 2

Misa: I concur! – 1

Matsuda: It was an act of self-defense! – 2.5

Ryuk:_ *laughs raucously* _He had what was coming to him! XD – 3

(average – 2.1)

Light

Soichiro: My poor son T.T – 2

Misa: My poor God of the new world – 2.5

Matsuda: Meh... – 2

Ryuk: Seriously, how can you guys not find this hilarious? – 1

(average – 1.9)

Cain: Is this episode a little short? Maybe people aren't adlibbing enough. Anyway, the last dare for today!:

_**HollowSanity**_

**Great story so far.**

Anyway,I have a dare for everyone,make them watch really bloody horror movies and for them to comment on it.

**lol, I love this xD  
**

Raising-Cain: LOL, I love this dare! Cain, you're the expert on scary movies – what can you recommend?

Cain: Hannah Montana the Movie. That girl scares me, and so does her voice.

Raising-Cain: No, I mean real scary movies, not your Montana-phobia.

Cain: Oh, fine. I think Saw is the most classic of bloody horror, so let's go with that.

**In the house**

BB: Light tried to rape me!

Light: It wouldn't be rape if you said yes! Plus, you killed me, three times now! Isn't that enough?

L: Light, I am concerned. You were never like this when we worked together.

Mello: That's because Light isn't like this. Something is controlling us.

Near: For once, I agree with Mello.

Matt: Duuude...

_*trapdoor release*_

Everyone but Near: DAMMMITTTT!

Near: OH NOOOOOOOOOO!

_*thump*_

Matt: Hey, it's a movie theatre! Let's watch!

*after watching 'Saw'*

Light: Oh my Kira...I mean God...so much blood...

L: O.O I think my retinas have been burned off.

Mello: Jesus Christ... save me...

Near: *just plain crying*

Matt: I am not playing bloody horror games ever again!

BB: Hahahahahaha! That was the BEST comedy I've ever seen! Like the part where that woman screams and then her blood is all over the floor? Hilarious! Oh, I'm tearing up...

Mikami: What is wrong with that man?

Cain: When did you get here?

Mikami: I found a hole in the box, and chewed my way out! I needed God!

Raising-Cain: Now do you see what I had to put up with? Scores.

Light

Soichiro: Why do people torture my son? – 2

Misa: He can't take a scary movie? – 1.5

Matsuda: Aww, Light's scarred for life! – 2

Ryuk: He is a wuss – 1

L

Soichiro: I understand his angle – 2.5

Misa: Not bad – 3

Matsuda: He could've stopped sucking his thumb all the way through it – 2.5

Ryuk: I don't have retinas! – 3

Cain: Yes, you do.

Ryuk: What are retinas?

BB

Soichiro: Somebody please lock this man up! – 3

Misa: I hate him for surviving this – 4

Matsuda: I am so glad I'm not in there – 4.5

Ryuk: Why are there no perfect scores? He understands the comedy! – 5

Mello

Soichiro: Keep praying, and He will get you out – 3

Misa: I second that – 3

Matsuda: I agree too – 3

Ryuk: Whatever, I like the number 3 – 3

Matt

Soichiro: He is too much of a game freak! – 2

Misa: Can't he think about other things for a change? – 2

Matsuda: I don't like bloody horror games either – 3

Ryuk: You guys are so biased – 2

Near

Soichiro: That went wrong – 1

Misa: Man up! – 1

Matsuda: Don't be mean – 1.5

Ryuk: No, we will be mean – 1

Cain: Okay, here are the final scores!:

Light – 25.4

L – 46.3

BB – 41.6

Mello – 38.9

Matt – 35.5

Near – 29.5

Raising-Cain: _*le gasp* _BB and L are eligible for release! But it's not that simple – you have to vote whether we let them go out, or keep them in. The only condition if you vote them to stay – you can't give incredibly bad individual dares. They are not allowed to suffer alone anymore.

Cain: So, review, and decide! Bye!

* * *

**Raising-Cain: We do need those votes, and don't forget to R+R!**

**Cain: We thank all those who have reviewed dared, favorited us or the story, and have put us on Story Alert!**

**Mello: Don't forget to give me chocolate!**

**Cain and Raising-Cain: MY CHOCOLATE! *evil glares***


End file.
